


r/OurMutualEx

by iodhadh



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Iron Bull/Dorian, Hot Mess Vints and their Hot Mess Love Lives, M/M, POV Outsider, Thedosian Reddit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 03:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iodhadh/pseuds/iodhadh
Summary: Wondering where to start? Catch up on r/Relationships’ weirdest ongoing drama here. Do you think you’re a member of our unfortunately not-very-exclusive club? Send a PM to any of the moderators and we’ll confirm your story. If you’ve come to us via r/Relationships we can link your thread from there, or you can write a post here. If you know of anyone else who also shares our mutual ex, send them our way. We all need a support group for this fucking asshole.





	1. r/Relationships: OrlesianGuimauves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coveredinfeels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coveredinfeels/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Carry On Up The Dales](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4232592) by [coveredinfeels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coveredinfeels/pseuds/coveredinfeels). 



> So this is possibly the stupidest most niche nonsense I have ever written or will ever write. If you're not already reading the fic this is based on it isn't going to make the slightest lick of sense. I apologize for nothing. This is complete and utter absurdity.
> 
> Many thanks to Blythe, Asher, and Jadis for helping me come up with appropriately Thedosian Reddit usernames.

**I [28M] think my boyfriend [29M] is still hung up on his ex [?M].** [Relationships]  
submitted 2 days ago by OrlesianGuimauves

So I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for a few months, it’s pretty casual, no big deal. We’ve never been exclusive. I live in Orlais and he’s from Tevinter, but he’s in town a lot for work (we met through a work function) so whenever he’s here we get dinner and hook up and basically spend all our free time together. We call each other boyfriends but it’s probably more like a friends with benefits thing. Pretty normal in Orlais honestly.

The problem is the longer this goes on the more I’m starting to think there’s one specific person he’s way more into. He’s always telling stories about the wild parties he goes to in Tevinter and the shit he used to get up to as a kid, and there’s one name that keeps coming up. It’s obvious from the way he talks about this guy that they used to have some kind of relationship, and he’d really like to have it again, but from what I gather the other guy isn’t interested. He also mentioned that the guy isn’t in Tevinter anymore, and he’s kinda pissy about it.

He’s always on his phone, which is partly a work thing, but the other day he left his laptop open on his phone bill and there are a lot (I mean a LOT) of outgoing texts to this one number in Ferelden, where I know for a fact he has zero business interests. I don’t really mind that, except that the times when he’s NOT on his phone he’s always moody and drinking a lot and won’t tell me what his problem is, which really throws a wrench in the week or so a month we get to spend together. Seeing all the texts he sends to this Fereldan number now, I’m wondering how well those times line up with when his ex isn’t talking to him.

I’ve asked him before about this guy, because he honestly does seem a bit obsessed with him, but he brushes it off as no big deal. The thing is, I wouldn’t mind if he was fucking other people—actually, I know he’s fucking other people, so whatever. He knows that, which is what makes it so weird that he’s been hiding this from me.

I don’t know, Reddit. The sex is great and when he’s in a good mood (which is most of the time) he’s a lot of fun, plus he’s rich as hell and gets into all the best parties. But I’m starting to think this is a drama bomb waiting to explode. What should I do?

TL;DR: My casual boyfriend seems to be still into his ex (though he denies it) and I’m considering whether to jump ship.

 **all 193 comments**  
sorted by: **best**

> [-] **dwarffucker69** [score hidden] 2 days ago
> 
> It doesn’t sound like this guy has a lot of redeeming qualities, OP. My advice is to just break it off. If it’s casual and you’re both seeing other people anyway I don’t see what you’re getting from him that you couldn’t get from a dozen other guys who AREN’T clearly still pining for their exes. Save yourself the drama.
>
>> [-] **sheseesflame** [score hidden] 1 day ago
>> 
>> This entire situation sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Break up with your hot mess boyfriend. You already know that’s the right answer here.
> 
> [-] **smitemydickandraste** [score hidden] 2 days ago
> 
> Not to stereotype, but, uh… a rich gay Tevinter with commitment issues on business trips to Orlais that he mostly spends partying and hooking up with you? What are the chances he’s got a wife he’s cheating on with you? Get out now, dude.
>
>> [-] **OrlesianGuimauves** [score hidden] 1 day ago
>> 
>> Oh, yeah, I’m like 95% certain he’s got a wife. He’s a rich gay Tevinter with commitment issues on business trips to Orlais that he mostly spends partying and hooking up with me. I figured that was just a given from the start. I also figured his wife is probably under no illusions about what he’s getting up to. That doesn’t really bother me.
>>
>>> [-] **mabari_kisses** [score hidden] 18 hours ago
>>> 
>>> you think the ex is a potential drama bomb but the wife doesn’t bother you? you need to get your priorities straight.
> 
> [-] **fadefucker** [score hidden] 1 day ago
> 
> I almost feel sorry for the ex lol. He’s from Tevinter and he fucked off to Ferelden to get away from your boyfriend? Maker. Take that as the sign it is, dude.


	2. r/Relationships: blackcityorbust

**I’m pretty sure my [33M] boyfriend [29M] is in love with someone else?** [Relationships]  
submitted 16 hours ago by blackcityorbust

okay, just getting this out of the way right from the outset: my boyfriend is from tevinter, he has a political marriage to a woman he hates, we’ve been dating on the side for a while. yes, it’s stupid, it’s unethical, blah blah blah, that’s not the point. from what i understand it’s normal or even expected for rich gay vints to do this kind of thing, and my bf’s wife probably knows what he’s doing. we can debate the general morality of the situation some other time.

here’s my actual issue: for the last couple months i’ve been starting to suspect there’s something else up. my bf uses his phone a lot for work, but i always assumed in his off hours that he was texting his wife or something. turns out that’s not true. he has a “friend” (he claims) who lives in ferelden who he apparently can’t contact any other way, and that’s who he’s texting most of the time. he complains sometimes about not knowing the guy’s address, because he wants to send him gifts.

i brushed it off at first because he’s just kind of like that (he has a lot of money and i’m pretty sure the only way he knows how to show affection is to buy shit for people), but recently i made the connection between this friend in ferelden and a guy my bf talks about a lot that he used to know back in tevinter. i had always assumed “used to know” meant they had broken up or something, but apparently he just means that the guy used to live in tevinter. they still know each other and they still talk regularly.

my boyfriend and i are pretty casual, and not really monogamous anyway (eta: aside from the wife, yes, maker’s breath guys leave it alone), so i wasn’t expecting this to bother me so much, but the more i learn about this fereldan “friend” the more i feel like my bf is still in love with him. i know it’s hypocritical of me to be jealous, and it seems weird to be upset about this guy my bf might be dating when i already knew he had a wife, but the whole point is that he doesn’t like women. he does like men, and the way he talks about his “friend” he basically sounds like his ideal man. it’s making me feel super insecure and i have no idea what to do about it. help?

tldr: i think my boyfriend is in love with a “friend” who he hasn’t seen in a while and it’s bothering me way more than i expected considering i already knew he was married in tevinter.

 **top 200 comments** show all 758  
sorted by: **best**

> [-] **championsofthejust** [score hidden] 16 hours ago
> 
> Dude. Your boyfriend is already cheating on his wife for you. Why would you ever think he wouldn’t be willing to cheat on you for someone else? Or, what sounds more likely, cheat on someone else with you? It doesn’t matter if he’s actually dating this other guy or not. You need to break things off with him, sort out your own life, and not date married men no matter how much you convince yourself their wives know what they’re getting up to. This is a mess and you know it.
>
>> [-] **blightedtaint_64** [score hidden] 14 hours ago
>> 
>> yeah, seriously. being someones side piece is only ever gonna end in tears. get out while you still can and take some time to really reevaluate your priorities.
> 
> [-] **rowdy_varghest2** [score hidden] 13 hours ago
> 
> Is this a repost? Hand to Andraste I saw, like, this exact same situation like a month ago. If OP didn’t take our advice then I don’t see why they’d bother coming back with the same problem.
>
>> [-] **blackcityorbust** [score hidden] 11 hours ago
>> 
>> what? no. this is the first time i’ve ever posted here.
>> 
>> [-] **fadefucker** [score hidden] 12 hours ago
>> 
>> No, I remember that thread. I’m pretty sure that was u/OrlesianGuimauves?
>>
>>> [-] **OrlesianGuimauves** [score hidden] 9 hours ago
>>> 
>>> Shit, this does sound exactly like my thread, what the fuck? OP, if you see this, send me a PM, I honestly think you might be dating my ex.
>>> 
>>> EDIT: WHAT THE FUCK, IT’S LITERALLY THE SAME GUY.


	3. r/Relationships: sleeplessinseleny

**I [25M] just found out I’m my boyfriend’s [29M] side piece and I don’t know what to do.** [Infidelity]  
submitted 1 day ago by sleeplessinseleny

Sorry if this is kind of a mess, I’ve been crying on and off all day.

About three months ago I met a guy through my job. He was a bit of an asshole, but in a charming way, and honestly I’ve always been pretty into that and never had any problems with it before so it was more of a draw than a red flag. We hit it off right away. He’s gorgeous, rich, and seemed super into me. I thought I’d struck gold.

He travels a lot for work (he’s from Tevinter and I’m Antivan, as evidenced by my username) so we knew from the start that it would have to be a mostly long-distance thing, but he’s been back in town four times already since we met, so I was fine with that. It did occur to me that it would be really easy for him to hide another relationship, but I never had any reason to suspect that: he always responds promptly when I message him, we’ve called and talked on the phone a lot and he never seemed like he was hedging or hiding anything, he doesn’t seem shy about being seen with me or talking about me, and when he’s in town we spend literally all our free time together. Granted, a lot of that is in bed, but since I wanted it as much as he did I wasn’t exactly complaining about that.

Well, bombshell dropped. Yesterday I borrowed his phone for a second (we were trying to book a restaurant and the owner spoke shit Trade so he gave it to me to make the reservation in Antivan). Before I gave it back he got a text, which isn’t anything weird, he texts a lot—but the name he had saved in his contacts for this one was a cutesy nickname with a kiss and a peach emoji and my stomach just dropped. I know I shouldn’t have, but I opened it. The other guy (I assume it’s a guy, my boyfriend is gay) didn’t seem super affectionate with him, so I don’t know if they’re actually dating, but I scrolled up a little bit and, wow, that sure was a photo of his dick that my boyfriend sent to him. Taken from my bed while he was lying right next to me this morning.

That should have been enough, but I couldn’t stop myself from looking more. Turns out all the texting he does is like, 90% to that number. I always figured he was just popular, but no: he’s obsessed with this one guy. Their text history goes back almost a year, and the oldest ones indicate that the only reason it isn’t longer is that this guy changed his number (apparently he used to live in Tevinter—the current one is a Ferelden number). And from the context of some of the texts I’m pretty sure this guy is an old friend (or “friend,” apparently) my boyfriend talks about a lot. I had thought he was talking about a bunch of different people, but it looks like actually it was all the same guy. I felt sick.

Obviously we had a screaming fight. My boyfriend couldn’t seem to understand why I was so upset. He said he’d never promised to be exclusive so he didn’t know what I was freaking out about. Oh, and also he has a wife.

A WIFE.

This was where I started crying, which just baffled him even more. Apparently he’d assumed I just knew—that obviously any Vint with his money and influence would have to be married at his age. I had no fucking idea. He never mentioned her to me, or acted like he was involved with anyone else, or anything, I’ve never even seen him with a wedding ring on. He said I was being naive. He LAUGHED at me. I’ve never felt so hurt or betrayed in my life.

Obviously I cancelled the reservation. He left this morning to go back to Tevinter, but he’s been texting me like everything is normal. I haven’t responded yet, and I don’t know if I’m going to. I have no idea what the fuck to do. I’ve just been a complete mess all day, I had to call in to work and cancel my meetings because I’m in no state to do anything. Was it naive of me to think he wouldn’t be married? What do I do? Is there any way I can salvage this? I know it’s only been a short time, but I really fell for him. I’m absolutely devastated.

tl;dr: I unexpectedly found out that the guy I’ve been dating for three months 1. is sending dick pics to a guy he texts constantly and has known for years and 2. is married back in Tevinter. I feel betrayed and heartbroken and he doesn’t understand why I’m upset.

 **top 200 comments** show all 549  
sorted by: **best**

> [-] **idreamofgriffins** [score hidden] 1 day ago
> 
> Maker’s Breath, OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Here’s what you need to do: first of all, delete your now-ex’s contact info. Don’t get in touch with him again. If he messages you, tell him you don’t want to see him anymore, and delete his texts. Block his number. Block his email address. Do whatever you have to to make sure he can’t talk to you anymore.
> 
> I know it’s tempting to go back to someone who cheated on you—trust me, I’ve been there. But it’s not worth it. He lied to you, he led you on, and he acted like a jerk when you found out. It’s not naive to assume someone who starts a passionate relationship with you will be available for a relationship. If he was married and dating this other man, he should have said so. Even if he didn’t explicitly say you were going to be exclusive, if he was acting like he was only seeing you when you were together, he lied by omission.
> 
> Don’t go back to him. Don’t get in touch again. You deserve better than that jerk, no matter how much it hurts right now.
>
>> [-] **iamnotanughumper** [score hidden] 22 hours ago
>> 
>> Good advice from idreamofgriffins. I’ll just add one more thing: since you said you met through work, you should also do what you can to mitigate any contact you’ll have with him there. If you were a primary point of contact for him at your company, ask to have the file reassigned. Don’t go to any work functions if you know he’ll be there. Maybe let your boss know about what happened, if you think it’s reasonable, so you don’t get sent to stuff that involves him. If you absolutely have to see him through work, so be it, but keep it strictly professional, and do everything you can to cut whatever contact you’re currently expected to keep.
>>
>>> [-] **idreamofgriffins** [score hidden] 19 hours ago
>>> 
>>> That’s a good point, I didn’t think of that.
>> 
>> [-] **nugmommy** [score hidden] 21 hours ago
>> 
>> Seconded. Get out of there and get that toxic attitude out of your life. I know it’s hard, OP, but you can do it. Hang in there. We’re all rooting for you.
> 
> [-] **blackcityorbust** [score hidden] 18 hours ago
> 
> wow. this isn’t exactly what happened to me, but it sounds a lot like the kind of shit my ex got up to. my sympathies, op. speaking from experience here, idreamofgriffins is right, that’s exactly how to handle this kind of situation. don’t go back. not worth it.
>
>> [-] **Rivainaboo** [score hidden] 15 hours ago
>> 
>> didnt you and u/OrlesianGuimauves find out youd dated the same shithead? what are the chances it happened again?
>>
>>> [-] **OrlesianGuimauves** [score hidden] 3 hours ago
>>> 
>>> Well, I sent OP a PM, and:
>>> 
>>> ANDRASTE’S FUCKING ASS.
>>>
>>>> [-] **Rivainaboo** [score hidden] 2 hours ago
>>>> 
>>>> wait are you fucking serious
>>>> 
>>>> [-] **blackcityorbust** [score hidden] 2 hours ago
>>>> 
>>>> what the fuck how does this keep happening.


	4. r/Relationships: thecorruptandthewicked

**I’ve [36M] been seeing a guy [30M] for a while and he’s starting to get… weird.** [Relationships]  
submitted 1 day ago by thecorruptandthewicked

So a couple months ago I went on a charity cruise—I know, I know, rich twat stuff, just hang in there, it only gets wilder from here. I met a guy there, and, Reddit, he is smoking hot. We had a lot of fun on the cruise (I won’t get into details but several bottles of champagne and at least three other men were involved), and we’ve kept in touch since then.

Turns out he travels a lot for work, and I do too, and we live in places each other goes to a lot (one time he was actually in my city while I was in his lol, it was annoying but also really hilarious). So I’ve actually seen him a bunch of times since the cruise. It’s casual and we’re not exclusive and I haven’t really asked too many questions—he’s an upperclass gay Vint and I’ve been around the block a few times, I suspect he’s probably married—but I’m prepared to just roll with it for as long as it keeps being a good time.

Or at least I thought I was, until he started getting weird at me.

It hasn’t been any weird kink things (or, well, it has, but it’s weird kink things we’re both into). It’s more that I’m kinda starting to think he’s using me as a replacement for someone. I wouldn’t really mind that (again, casual, it’s nbd), except that he’s getting… oddly specific.

First he asked me to call him a particular nickname in bed. That was fine, some people like that, and it’s just a specific permutation of his first name. But then he started calling me a nickname too, one that isn’t really intuitive from my name, and I’m kinda wondering if it’s something he actually calls someone else. He also started making suggestions about my personal grooming—I have a moustache and he wanted me to style it in a specific way, he made comments about me getting a particular haircut, he thinks I’d look hot with an ear piercing and he has an earring he’d like to see me in, he wants to buy me some clothes, stuff like that. The thing is, the stuff he’s suggesting I do is all pretty Tevinter style, and in my line of work that would not be an asset (which he knows). But when I turned him down he got weirdly pouty about it.

I got kind of curious so I started doing some digging—nothing invasive, but I did find his old instagram account from his early twenties, which is not locked or private in any way. I went flipping through some of the pictures and found some of a guy who looks a bit like me from certain angles and, what do you know, he’s got exactly the kind of style he was suggesting for me.

I guess at this point would be a good time to mention that he texts a lot, and I’m pretty sure a lot of it is with the same person (I’ve caught sight of a specific contact a few times, and I’m not trying to read his texts but I do know what a peach emoji looks like). I’m pretty sure that’s the same person he talks about fairly often, an old friend from Tevinter who moved away sometime in the last year. From the way he talks about him I’m pretty sure they used to be together, and I can’t be certain but he’s said a couple things that implied it’s the same guy I found on his instagram.

Anyway, that’s where I’m at right now. I wouldn’t normally have bothered to post here, but it’s a bit of an odd situation. I don’t necessarily want to end things with this guy, I’ve been having a lot of fun and we’re definitely keeping things casual, but I can’t help but wonder if I should bring this up. If he’s in love with someone else, whatever, I’ll move on when it gets to be too messy, but I would prefer if he stopped actively comparing me to this other guy.

tl;dr: A casual fling is getting weird at me in a way that suggests he’s using me as a replacement for someone else and I’m trying to decide if the fun is worth the potential drama.

 **all 136 comments  
** sorted by: **best**

> [-] **deepstalkerfan** [score hidden] 22 hours ago
> 
> huh, that is kind of a weird situation. honestly i don’t know if its worth bothering to bring it up with him? you seem like a roll-with-the-punches kind of dude, and this is a casual thing. if youre not really attached to him or anything you may as well just cut your losses when he gets too annoying and move on. it doesnt sound like youd have any trouble finding someone new to fuck around with tbh.
>
>> [-] **thecorruptandthewicked** [score hidden] 21 hours ago
>> 
>> You might be right lol, maybe just save on the drama and skip out. I live in Val Royeaux, dick is abundant and low in value.
>>
>>> [-] **deepstalkerfan** [score hidden] 21 hours ago
>>> 
>>> words to live by, my guy.
> 
> [-] **KillerBear** [score hidden] 20 hours ago
> 
> If it bothers you it may be worth bringing up with him. Good communication really does help, even in casual relationships (especially in casual relationships, tbh). If you can get him to knock it off you can enjoy his company for that much longer. Otherwise it sounds like it should be easy enough to end things with him, and it won’t cost you anything.
> 
> [-] **JustFellOffTheTurnipWagon** [score hidden] 19 hours ago
> 
> Do you know for sure that he’s doing it on purpose? Maybe he just has a type.
>
>> [-] **thecorruptandthewicked** [score hidden] 18 hours ago
>> 
>> You know, that’s a good point, I hadn’t really considered that. I guess I didn’t really think of it because he seemed pretty up for whoever on the cruise, but maybe that was just his adventurous side (it’s harder to have an orgy with only people who fit your exact preferences lol).
>> 
>> [-] **veilfirewitch** [score hidden] 15 hours ago
>> 
>> or maybe his “type” is all based on this one dude. op did say he texts someone a lot, and theres a decent chance its the same guy. sounds messy to me, id get out before it gets messier.
> 
> [-] **blackcityorbust** [score hidden] 19 hours ago
> 
> no. maker’s ass. have we found another one? u/OrlesianGuimauves, u/sleeplessinseleny, what do you guys think?
>
>> [-] **sleeplessinseleny** [score hidden] 18 hours ago
>> 
>> Um. Wow.
>> 
>> I can’t decide if I want it to be a coincidence or not.
>> 
>> [-] **OrlesianGuimauves** [score hidden] 16 hours ago
>> 
>> Maker’s sake, I hope we’re not turning into a fucking meme. I’m sending a PM.
>> 
>> UPDATE: Andraste on the fucking pyre, I cannot BELIEVE this, I AM STARTING US A FUCKING SUPPORT GROUP.
>>
>>> [-] **elfroot420blazeit** [score hidden] 3 hours ago
>>> 
>>> LMAO HOLY SHIT


	5. r/OurMutualEx: OrlesianGuimauves

**Masterpost of Confirmed Cases** (self.OurMutualEx)  
submitted 3 months ago by OrlesianGuimauves [M] - stickied post

Wondering where to start? Catch up on r/Relationships’ weirdest ongoing drama here.

  * Part 1: I [28M] think my boyfriend [29M] is still hung up on his ex [?M]. (u/OrlesianGuimauves)
  * Part 2: I’m pretty sure my [33M] boyfriend [29M] is in love with someone else? (u/blackcityorbust)
  * Part 3: I [25M] just found out I’m my boyfriend’s [29M] side piece and I don’t know what to do. (u/sleeplessinseleny)
  * Part 4: I’ve [36M] been seeing a guy [30M] for a while and he’s starting to get… weird. (u/thecorruptandthewicked)
  * Part 5: Wow, I had no idea there were so many of us. [STORY] (u/DeepRoadsDiver)
  * Part 6: is my [27M] boyfriend [30M] cheating on me?? (u/PartyNuggalope)
  * **NEW** Part 7:  yep, hes my mutual ex too. [STORY] (u/marchersdoitbetter)



Do you think you’re a member of our unfortunately not-very-exclusive club? Send a PM to any of the moderators and we’ll confirm your story. If you’ve come to us via r/Relationships we can link your thread from there, or you can write a post here. If you know of anyone else who also shares our mutual ex, send them our way. We all need a support group for this fucking asshole.

UPDATE: Reminder not to share too many specific details in your story posts! This has gotten widespread enough that we have to be able to verify people’s claims somehow, and we can’t do that if everyone knows everything about our guy. As funny as some of the fakes are, let’s not muddy the waters.

 **top 200 comments** see all 413  
sorted by: **best**

> [-] **thecorruptandthewicked** [M] 529 points 23 days ago
> 
> Speaking of amusing fakes, have you guys seen this one? It’s more convincing than some of the others, too, which says a lot about our guy lmao. I got screenshots before it was taken down.
> 
> My [26M] boyfriend [30M] is cheating on me with my brother [24M].
>
>> [-] **blackcityorbust** [M] 159 points 23 days ago
>> 
>> i would absolutely fucking believe he’d done this.
>>
>>> [-] **OrlesianGuimauves** [M] 63 points 22 days ago
>>> 
>>> Same.
>>> 
>>> [-] **marchersdoitbetter** [M] 42 points 20 days ago
>>> 
>>> same
>>> 
>>> [-] **PartyNuggalope** [M] 19 points 19 days ago
>>> 
>>> same.
>> 
>> [-] **PerpetualVictory** 95 points 21 days ago
>> 
>> Yeah this sounds completely in character.
> 
> [-] **fuck_the_archon** 398 points 22 days ago
> 
> this is hands down my favourite thing that has ever happened on reddit. i feel so bad for you guys but at the same time holy shit, this is so fucking funny. andraste bless. im glad you can at least have a sense of humour about it!


	6. r/Relationships: getcuckedmaferath

**I [31M] think my boyfriend [30M] might have a long-distance lover?** [Relationships]  
submitted 1 day ago by getcuckedmaferath

so I’ve been seeing this guy for the last couple months or so. he’s a lot of fun and I really like him, but at the same time I’m wondering if maybe I’m making a mistake.

first a bit of background: my boyfriend is from tevinter. I am not. he travels for work and charity events and he’s in my city pretty often. we met at a charity event and hit it off (if you know what I mean) and he seemed pretty into me. now, obviously I’ve heard what everyone says about vints on business trips, especially when they’re gay. I’ve even known a couple that fit the description. but it seemed really unfair of me to stereotype this guy right from the start. but now I’m starting to think I might have let some things slide I shouldn’t have.

point one: he texts, a lot. he claims it’s for work, and I’m sure some of it is, but that can’t explain all of it, especially considering the hours he keeps. I haven’t seen any of the texts and I’m not going to go through his phone, but he definitely doesn’t act like it’s all work stuff, let’s leave it at that.

point two: there’s a guy he talks about a lot, an old friend of his. at first I had assumed he lives in tevinter, but my boyfriend recently said something that suggested he’s actually somewhere else, which my boyfriend is annoyed about (he wanted to send him gifts, but he had to do it in a weird roundabout way involving a lawyer for some reason, I didn’t really follow what he was talking about). the way he gets about this dude, I’m starting to think he’s in love with him.

point three: there have been a couple of times when he got really pissy at his phone and started moping and complaining about being ignored in favour of a porn star (???). I’m guessing he was talking about his expat “friend,” who I can only assume is the person he texts so much.

point four: this may or may not be related but I heard him on the phone with someone once when he didn’t realize I’d come in and I may have misheard but I thought he said something about in vitro?? so, you know. possibly there’s also a wife or something.

so, yeah. uhh. I have no idea what to do with this. have I gotten myself into a mess? am I just being paranoid? what should I do?

tldr: boyfriend from tevinter might be cheating on me (or cheating on someone else with me) and I felt bad for stereotyping but now I think I might be overlooking red flags.

update: oh wow that was fast. someone pointed me at r/OurMutualEx, I haven’t spent much time lurking here before so I hadn’t heard of it, but that sounds exactly like my boyfriend. I’m waiting on confirmation from the mods now.

update 2: lmao yep time to cut and run.

 **all 53 comments  
** sorted by: **best**

> [-] **TitsOutForParagons** [score hidden] 1 day ago
> 
> Have you spent much time on this subreddit before? Because if this is actually legit you may be dating the guy from r/OurMutualEx. If it is actually the same guy then the answer is, unequivocally yes, you have gotten yourself into a mess, but at least you’re in a mess with a bunch of other people and it makes for some really hilarious reading.
>
>> [-] **getcuckedmaferath** [score hidden] 1 day ago
>> 
>> oh. oh wow. no, I haven’t spent much time here before, I had no idea this was a thing. maker’s breath. this is so weird. thank you, I’m gonna contact them.
>> 
>> [-] **kirkwallsucks** [score hidden] 1 day ago
>> 
>> Even if your boyfriend doesn’t end up being this guy, he still sounds like bad news. You don’t need that kind of drama.
>> 
>> Edit: Welp.


	7. r/OurMutualEx: sleeplessinseleny

**Theories about our mutual ex’s ex?** (self.OurMutualEx)  
submitted 4 days ago by sleeplessinseleny [M]

Okay, I know we can’t really give out any more specific details about our mutual ex than what’s already known, but what about his ex? Can we compile everything we know about the guy? There are twelve of us now, we’ve got to be able to put something together.

 **all 196 comments  
** sorted by: **best**

> [-] **OrlesianGuimauves** [M] 1453 points 4 days ago
> 
> On the one hand, I don’t want to invade his privacy. On the other hand, if anyone deserves a fucking support group, it’s that guy.
>
>> [-] **sleeplessinseleny** [M] 346 points 4 days ago
>> 
>> Maker’s breath, I know, right?
>> 
>> [-] **inblackestenvy** 291 points 3 days ago
>> 
>> everything you guys tell us about the guy just makes me feel more sorry for him.
> 
> [-] **blackcityorbust** [M] 1224 points 4 days ago
> 
> okay here’s what we know for sure:
> 
>   * he is actually our mutual ex’s ex, they are not dating anymore, regardless of how much our mutual ex obviously wishes otherwise
>   * he’s from tevinter but now lives in ferelden
>   * he’s possibly a grad student and apparently studying something our mutual ex finds extremely boring, which means it’s probably actually really interesting and/or that it requires some form of critical thought or hard work
>   * they’ve known each other since they were in their teens and used to go to altus parties together, so he’s probably also an altus
>   * per u/thecorruptandthewicked, he has (or had) a moustache (styled), a fashionable tevinter haircut with the sides and back shaved, at least one earring, and a decidedly tevinter fashion sense
>   * our mutual ex does not know his address, for reasons undisclosed but possibly something to do with his father
>   * recent additions to our unfortunate ranks (u/getcuckedmaferath, u/darkspawnkin, u/RainbowDivine) suggest he has some form of association with a porn star, not that any of us know what’s up with that
> 

> 
> more tba possibly if we can manage to confirm anything else.
>
>> [-] **DragonHemipenes** 302 points 4 days ago
>> 
>> Bless you for this.
> 
> [-] **thecorruptandthewicked** [M] 720 points 4 days ago
> 
> I conferred with u/sleeplessinseleny and it matches up: the cutesy name he saw in our mutual ex’s phone is the same as the stupid nickname he started using for me. Are you ready? It’s really bad.
> 
> He calls him Riri.
>
>> [-] **ogreboyfriend** 562 points 4 days ago
>> 
>> Andraste fucking wept.
>> 
>> [-] **antiqamek** [M] 493 points 3 days ago
>> 
>> Wait. Are you telling me that means you let him call YOU Riri?
>> 
>> I’m never calling you anything else ever.
>>
>>> [-] **thecorruptandthewicked** [M] 413 points 3 days ago
>>> 
>>> Don’t you fucking start, you asshole.
>>>
>>>> [-] **antiqamek** [M] 516 points 3 days ago
>>>> 
>>>> I may have managed to miss that he was married but at least I never let him call me Riri.
> 
> [-] **VyrantianDiscourse** 693 points 3 days ago
> 
> peach emoji suggests he has a great ass.
>
>> [-] **PartyNuggalope** [M] 204 points 3 days ago
>> 
>> conjecture, but very possible.


	8. r/OurMutualEx: gay4calenhad

**Holy shit guys I think my friend fucking found the ex??!** (self.OurMutualEx)  
submitted 2 days ago by gay4calenhad

Andraste’s ass. I can’t believe this. Okay. I have some friends who don’t use Reddit but who I’ve been keeping up to date on r/OurMutualEx drama, because it’s hilarious. So as you can probably guess from my username, we live in Ferelden, and we’ve joked about trying to find the ex before. But we’re way the fuck out in the boonies, so it was only ever a joke.

Well, now one of my friends has moved to Skyhold for grad school. And guess who she fucking found.

So there’s this sports bar close to the university, and my friend is a big fan of rugby, so she goes pretty often to watch the games. There’s a group of regulars she sees there sometimes that she hasn’t talked to, but yesterday she noticed that a couple of them are Vints (she said she wouldn’t really have paid any attention except that the guy who seems to be the leader of the group is a bigass Vashoth). And we don’t really get a lot of Vints in Ferelden, especially not really Vinty-looking Vints, but one of the guys was a REALLY Vinty-looking Vint.

You know, styled moustache, earring, partly shaved head, extremely Tevinter fashion sense, the works. And apparently he’s a grad student at Skyhold University. The rest of the table was sassing him about it.

At this point she’s thinking it could still be a coincidence, so she kind of tuned them out and went back to watching the game, but then she heard something about “pecan-glazed tits” (I did not get the story about that one, I can ask her if you guys want) and tuned back in and APPARENTLY the bigass Vashoth? Works in porn.

(There aren’t that many Fereldan Vashoth porn stars, so my friend was able to track him down online. You can look him up if you want, his porn name is The Iron Bull and he’s uh. Wow. If r/OurMutualEx’s ex is hitting that, he may not need a support group after all.)

Anyway, my friend didn’t want to go bother him while he was out with his friends, and she wanted to come back and confirm everything with me first anyway, but we’re pretty convinced it’s him. She’s going to see if she can find him on campus ASAP.

UPDATE: RED ALERT. IT’S HIM. HOLY SHIT.

My friend managed to track him down in the library. Here’s what we know.

  * His name is Dorian. Why the mutual ex decided to zero in on the middle syllable of his name as a nickname is a complete mystery, or would be if he hadn’t already been established to be utterly terrible.
  * Dorian just turned 31, so he’s the same age as the ex.
  * He is a grad student. He’s studying the historical Tevinter Imperium’s presence in the south. I don’t really know anything about it but my friend assures me it’s a fascinating and largely unexplored field.
  * He hasn’t been involved with the mutual ex since they were in their mid-twenties, which makes the persistent obsession even more of a disaster than previously suspected.
  * Apparently their relationship crashed and burned before it could really even get started, primarily because Dorian doesn’t fuck married men and the mutual ex had just gotten engaged, but also because the mutual ex is just generally a disaster.
  * On a related note, he reportedly does not get on with ANY of Dorian’s friends.
  * Apparently the mutual ex was responsible for Dorian finding The Iron Bull’s porn when they were in their twenties, which makes it even more hilarious that he’s so pouty about Dorian paying attention to The Iron Bull instead of texting him back.
  * Dorian declined to explain why he was in Ferelden or why the mutual ex doesn’t have his address, but apparently they are actually friends. The mutual ex has some hidden good qualities, somewhere, which Dorian also declined to explain, but it seems they’re enough for him to overlook everything else about the guy even though he agreed immediately that he’s a terrible person and extremely exasperating.
  * Dorian doesn’t use Reddit and had no idea this subreddit existed, but my friend said he laughed for about ten minutes straight once she’d explained it to him and literally got them kicked out of the library. He said he’d definitely at least check us out.



So there you go. A longtime mystery finally at least partially solved. I’ll let you guys know if I learn anything else.

Oh, and the thing about the pecan-glazed tits, since so many people asked: The Iron Bull (apparently that’s actually his real name, not just his porn name) once got a package from a fan that turned out to be a chocolate mould of her tits with pecan nipples. He wrote back saying he was very flattered, but also allergic to pecans. Reportedly his friends find the response even funnier than the pecan-glazed tits.

 **top 200 comments** see all 953  
sorted by: **best**

> [-] **OrlesianGuimauves** [M] 1702 points 2 days ago
> 
> Holy shit. OP, send me a PM, I need to confer with the other mods but for this we might bend the rules a bit and give out our mutual ex’s name so your friend can confirm it.
>
>> [-] **marchersdoitbetter** [M] 954 points 2 days ago
>> 
>> and please please please ask her to give the guy this subreddit
>> 
>> [-] **darkspawnkin** [M] 850 points 2 days ago
>> 
>> holy shit yes we are so bending the rules for this
> 
> [-] **blackcityorbust** [M] 1037 points 12 hours ago
> 
> > Dorian doesn’t fuck married men
> 
> well apparently he’s smarter than the rest of us.
>
>> [-] **RainbowDivine** [M] 604 points 11 hours ago
>> 
>> And he landed a porn star?! Lucky bastard. Good for him, he deserves it.
> 
> [-] **DeepRoadsDiver** [M] 899 points 13 hours ago
> 
> Thank you so much for this, u/gay4calenhad. The best possible result of having created this subreddit. I’m so glad we found him.
> 
> [-] **OrlesianGuimauves** [M] 533 points 3 hours ago
> 
> The original ex: discovered at last. It sounds like he’s doing better than all of us—at least if The Iron Bull’s porn is any indication. I know I certainly would be.
>
>> [-] **gay4calenhad** 221 points 2 hours ago
>> 
>> SAME. Woof.
>> 
>> [-] **getcuckedmaferath** [M] 199 points 2 hours ago
>> 
>> if only we could all be so lucky.
>>
>>> [-] **antiqamek** [M] 143 points 1 hour ago
>>> 
>>> At least we got a great story out of it.
>>>
>>>> [-] **getcuckedmaferath** [M] 128 points 1 hour ago
>>>> 
>>>> we should host a convention.
> 
> [-] **PartyNuggalope** [M] 201 points 1 hour ago
> 
> hey dorian, if you’re reading this: glad you could make it, man. if I ever get around to making us tshirts, you get first dibs.


End file.
